Those Down Moments

I firmly believe that we have all been there from time to time. That period when we just feel like crap in general and can’t bring ourselves to be very productive. Yeah, that’s been me for the last month or two… Probably longer but I don’t tend to notice these things until they have built up to an extreme that needs some form of intervention. I try and appear happy. I am pretty good at putting on a smile and seeming to be fine. Must people never even suspect.

It just sort of hits me when I start crying about pretty much every song on the radio.. even the happy ones. When I can’t do the things that never bothered me before. When I don’t even feel like driving to cheer up. When I feel nauseous all the time. And when I start listening to all the soulful or older sounds because they soothe me.

That’s when it hits me that I need to step back and do some things differently. I recently had to ask some of my professors for extensions and mercy because I was sooo behind. Of course I lied and said it was because  I was overly committed and needed to cut back on stuff… Which I guess isn’t a total lie but it’s not really the truth either.

Depression sucks.

It’s one of those things that people just can’t ever really understand. My life isn’t bad right now. There really isn’t anything going on that I could say would trigger this. Everything is pretty good. I’m graduating in May, we’re planning some awesome Girl Scout stuff this year, most of the bills are paid, etc.

Nothing crushing or debilitating.

But I feel like I can’t get up in the morning. Like doing the dishes takes too much energy (note*I like doing dishes generally). The whole house is a mess. and all I want to do is watch TV or read non intellectual books (and really I haven’t even done that!). I haven’t blogged in months.

Tonight though I did the dishes, and I am blogging. So maybe I am  starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe I can do this. I know I can do this actually. I do it every time. The dark never last forever. There is a sunrise in the end. I may not be a gorgeous California sunrise but it is a light and it is pretty.